Love it or Hate it—Got to Have it!

"Self-Control--a fruit of the Holy Spirit, is not possible when a life is controlled by sin. Sin is a transgression against God, and therefore, the antithesis of self-control."

Did you know that self-control is a deliberate act? It is a learned response. I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is Americans haven’t learned this response. According to the Get America Fit Foundation 58 Million Americans are overweight; 40 Million are obese; 3 Million are morbidly Obese. This study doesn't figure the millions addicted to drugs, alcohol, and other life destroying vices.

The good news is you don’t have to be one of those millions!

Even though the above stats are an example of one area, lack of self-control can be just as sinful in the quiet, masked areas of our life that we cover up.

“The world is out of control because of people who are undisciplined. Many illnesses and inappropriate behaviors are due to lack of control.”—Rhonda Kelly

Synonyms for self-control are “willpower” and “self-discipline”. We think willpower is something we posses if we get up every morning at the same time without complaining. However, we don’t realize that lack of willpower is what has us reaching for a second helping of food, watching television instead of folding laundry, or chatting on the phone instead of having our Bible study time.

Today when I was studying about self-control I was convicted. I was reading about Daniel in the Bible. He is a wonderful example of self-control. In Daniel 1:8 it says that he “determined that he would not defile himself with the king’s food or with the wine he drank.”

Imagine being taken to a five star resort with an unlimited amount of the best food available. Your pass card gives you the ability to eat until your heart’s desire. Would you smile politely and ask for cooked vegetables and water? I doubt it. If you’re like me you would ask if a new plate was required for each pass to the buffet! Daniel had self-discipline.

“Daniel’s self-discipline strengthened him for the work God had prepared for him.”

That phrase has haunted me today. It is probably a good thing since today is a fast day for SCF. I believe that the self-control Daniel exhibited in chapter 1:8 prepared him to continue praying three times a day even though a den of lions awaited him.

Terry Young wrote a book called, The Spirit Within You, and concluded that “self-control is the expression of the mature life which has learned to walk with God in perfect obedience.”

I have been given the power of self-control through the Spirit of God that dwells within. Without the supernatural Godpower to propel my self-control I may never be strong enough for the work God has prepared for me.

“So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.”—Romans 14:12

How can we learn the response of self-control?

• Acknowledgment—acknowledge that you are lacking self-control. Admit honestly the areas in your life you need Supernatural Godpower.

• Confession—once you’ve recognized your lack of self-control, confess it (I John 1:9).

• Determination—after you’ve confessed your lack of discipline to the Lord, be determined to live a disciplined, righteous life (Titus 2:11-14).
  

(If you are like me, you will probably need to follow that three step process on a daily basis!)

God will personalize discipline in your life. He works and convicts according to your need. God may be convicting you about one or more of the following areas:

Time

Money

Exercise

Food

Words

Personal Relationship with Him

Private life

Whatever He brings to your mind; acknowledge it, confess it and determine to be different.

“Self-discipline is doing something even if you hate it or don’t feel like doing it.”

Remember that “when our limited human willpower fails, God’s supernatural power succeeds”!

Holiday Survival 101

I didn’t forget to blog. I’ve been busy surviving the Thanksgiving holiday! Since my four school age children were on a four day school break, I decided to take off work. In my pre-school-break- mind, I had plenty of time to sit and write, cook, exercise, and read with my kids. My post-school-break-mind is almost broken!

Nothing—absolutely nothing, went according to plan.

I didn't follow the SCF plan.

I didn’t exercise [unless you count the 8 hours I walked during black Friday—shopping!]

Thankfully, Thanksgiving Day was on a ‘normal’ day on the SCF plan. Even though I didn’t fast on Wednesday, I was conscience every day of what I should have been doing.

Today I am thankful for new beginnings. The fact that I can jump right back in and continue on makes me smile.

How did you do over the holiday?

Do you ever dread going home for the holidays? All those unspoken questions circling the atmosphere…

Who will wear what?

Who gained the most weight?

Whose kids will behave or not?

Silly isn’t it? *If you don’t have sisters, you probably won’t understand (love you sisters!)

Let me share my holiday survival tips with you. Feel free to add to this list!

Holiday Survival 101

Dress comfortable—make sure you wear clothes that you will be comfortable in (no, that doesn’t include pj’s!) You don’t want to be tugging at your blouse or skirt or picking at your pants (if you get my drift).

If you’ve gained a few pounds since last year, don’t make excuses. Confidence is better than a spandex girdle. Stand up straight and enjoy yourself.

Let your kids be themselves. Relax! Even if they need more discipline you’re not going to accomplish anything in one day, except being stressed.

Accept your differences. Even though you and your siblings were born into the same family you are individuals. When you get married you merge your family culture with your spouses, creating a new family culture. Realize that you are not little Jane or Baby Jo—it’s okay to be grown up!

Last but not least—as an adult you are required to honor [honor: honesty, fairness, integrity in one’s belief and action. Webster] your parents, not obey them. To honor means you hold them in the highest esteem and respect, so you're honest and fair to them. You may not have the same rules or preferences you grew up with. You honor your parents by being authentic and transparent, not by trying to please them. They love you!

When I was growing up my parents did not allow my sisters and me to wear pants. It was a preference they had. I obeyed their rule while I lived at home [Eph. 6:1]. After getting married, my husband and I continued our parent’s preferences for a while, but realized that we were not being authentic. God had not asked us to follow those preferences. We were following them to please our parents—that made us guilty of pleasing men instead of God.

“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” –Gal. 1:10.

“Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart;” –Eph. 6:6

I believe in modesty. According to the Bible modesty is not preference, but a command [1 Timothy 2:9]—so my daughters and I wear pants, modestly. I respect my parents and honor them by being authentic and transparent with them. My actions should speak louder than my choice of clothing!

I’m sure that each of you has an example to share. Mine is just one of many I could share. The point is to understand our differences and give each other room to be individuals. It makes for much less stress and more family enjoyment!

What are your holiday survival techniques?

I Feel Fat!

I feel fat.

I’m not fat.

I FEEL fat. I must have gained 10 lb. this week!

That is impossible and I’m still wearing the same size clothes. I haven’t touched my ‘fat-clothes’ yet.

Look! Look at my backside in the mirror! I seriously look 10 lb heavier!

Who am I and where did that rational, in-control, educated woman go?

*Sigh….*

You just had a peek at the dialogue inside my brain.

Don’t have me committed! I promise I’m not crazy, just hormonal.

Once a month I lose all self-confidence. I lose all patience and normality. For several days each month I feel like my body hates me. I can’t drink enough water to keep the bloating down. I can’t eat enough pastry to satisfy my taste buds. Do you ever feel this way?

How do I combat these terrible feelings and keep myself under control? Well, to be completely honest, sometimes I don’t. There are times when I just let myself feel fat and I eat more than 2 cookies. Other times:

• I recognize that these feelings are temporary—my hormones are in control
• I submit my spirit to the Spirit’s control—this keeps me from being double minded (James 1:8)
• I make an extra effort to eat healthy foods (still following the SCF plan), and drink more water than normal.
• IF needed, I give myself a sweet treat. It’s okay. The week will end and I will convert back into my old self.

Is there a particular time of the month, year or day that you feel less-than beautiful?

How do you ‘deal’ with those difficult times?

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” -1 Peter 3:3-4

A Chat About Beauty With a Beautiful Latina

Allow me to introduce Maria Elena to you. She has four children ages 18 months-6 years. She is a pastor’s wife and excellent mother. Maria Elena and her husband, Jose, are working in Orizaba, Veracruz, Mexico. They have a church and a mission work they started and minister in.

The trip to Orizaba was a busy one and Tuesday was the first day Maria Elena and I actually had time to sit down and talk. After a dinner of Angelito's pizza, with dishes still on the table and the children playing quietly, we sat down to chat. I would have recorded it but the whole conversation took place in Spanish so I decided to translate our conversation for you all based on the notes I took.

Jana: In your opinion, what is a beautiful woman?

Maria Elena: To me a beautiful woman is a woman who has a strong character. I don’t mean strong as in easily angered, but more confident strong. A woman who knows who she is—that
kind of woman is beautiful.

Jana: So, even if her physical isn’t what we would call beautiful, with her confidence she
appears beautiful?

Maria Elena: Exactly!

Jana: How about here in the country of Mexico? What do Latinos consider beautiful?

Maria Elena: Of course it is physical. They think a beautiful woman is a voluptuous woman—wide hips,thick legs. Here in Mexico they focus on sensuality. Even if a woman has an
unattractive face, but she wears tight revealing clothes, they call her pretty.

Jana: So thin is not ‘in’?

Maria Elena:[chuckles] no! The thin epidemic is just now starting here. I think the
television has a lot of influence over that. I hear my six year old daughter sometimes say that she is going to go on a diet! But that is just now starting among young girls in school. Culturally a woman who is a bit more full-figured is considered beautiful.

Jana: What do you teach your daughters about beauty?

Maria Elena: I teach them to be clean and look feminine. I show them how to wear their jewelry and fix their hair. But I always teach them that true beauty is on the inside. I use Bible characters like Esther. She was beautiful on the outside but she was also brave and godly. I also teach my daughters how to eat healthy. My youngest likes to overeat. I keep an eye on her to make sure she isn’t using food for emotional reasons. My oldest I have to make sure she is eating. She hears in school comments about being thin and I don’t want her to follow that path.

Jana: Do you think about your weight?

Maria Elena: Yes. I’m not very tall so I know I need to watch my weight because I don’t want to
be overweight for my height.

Jana: How do you watch your weight?

Maria Elena: I watch the amount of food I eat. I never eat until I’m too full. I always leave a little room in my stomach. I don’t snack. [chuckles] We don’t have money for snacks so that is a good thing. I drink a lot of water—just plain water without flavor. You know a lot of our problems happen because we allow them too. For example; I watch what I eat because I know I love food.
If I didn’t watch what I ate, I would end up overweight.

Jana: Do you think there is a spiritual connection to obesity?

Maria Elena: Well, I have noticed that when a person has a lot of health problems they tend
to have lots of spiritual problems.

Jana: Why do you think we struggle so much to give our problems over to God?

Maria Elena: Fear

Jana: of what?

Maria Elena: Losing control. We want control and we fear that God won’t come through if we turn it over to Him. If we give it all to God, it is true that the problem will still be there but in spite of that we have to decide to be faithful and follow God anyway. It also comes down to your
infancy. What you learn as an infant is how you tend to manage your life.

Jana: How so?

Maria Elena: Well, for example; I noticed that I ration everything. I remember growing up that my mom rationed our food, money, etc. Now I ration out food portions according to the size of my kids. My son eats more so I portion him out more food per meal. Also, I relax by reading stories about other people. If I’m stressed, I read. I remember my mom doing the same thing.
So, what I learned in infancy I still do.

Jana: this is true. I grew up learning how to cook or bake my way out of stress and emotional
issues. I still fight the urge to do that. I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees that connection.

Maria Elena:[laughing]

Jana: I wrote a blog post about being unique. It stirred quite a bit of response. I have to
ask, what is unique about you? What makes you Maria Elena?

Maria Elena: Hmm…well I:

Love my family.

Love to be with my kids and husband.

Maybe a down side to my character is that I keep a wall up around me and my family-- I protect my environment.

Love working with kids. My part in the ministry is to work with kids and I love it.

Try to keep a good relationship with people in general.

Um…I love red meat!

I also love simple food.

I am in the process of learning how to be a pastor’s wife.

Jana: How about your spiritual life? How do you keep yourself in tune with God?

Maria Elena: I have my devotions early in the morning or late at night. During the day I
listen to the Bible on audio. We are using a plan now to read through the Old Testament
before the end of the year. I also speak at our ladies meetings every two months.

Jana: So what one piece of advice would you give other women?

Maria Elena: To have quiet time daily—morning, noon, and night if needed.

Jana: Thank you so much for taking the time to let me ask you these questions.

Maria Elena: You’re welcome!

Day 15- Half Day, Really?

We arrived safe and sound in Veracruz, Mex. Last night at 10:40 p.m. The last part of our flight was quite bumpy and we later learned we had arrived as a north wind was leaving. By that point of our trip I was so tired and hungry that I laid my head on the little tray table and slept—drooling and head bumping the whole time. When Doug, my husband, tapped my back to let me know we were landing, I can assure you I did not look like the same woman who boarded the plane 1 hr. and 50 min. earlier. My makeup was smeared and my lipstick non-existent. Looking beautiful was not high on my list; in fact I don’t remember the list making the trip last night. I just wanted to eat and sleep—who cares what I looked like while accomplishing that.

As we stumbled off the plane and through customs we were informed that none of our luggage had arrived with us. We smiled and shrugged. Getting upset wasn’t going to change anything and we had a hunch it wouldn’t arrive with us. Our connection flight had arrived late and we both ran—literally ran, to catch the flight to Veracruz.

I did something last night I would normally NEVER do. I ate half a sandwich at 12:00 a.m. Yesterday was a normal day. However, at 12 midnight I wanted to sleep but was so hungry (we had NO time to eat during our travel) that I knew without a light meal I wouldn’t rest. We ordered a club sandwich to the room and split it. I slept like a baby!

Today is a half day. Can I just be real honest? This is going to take discipline! I am in a city where the food is probably the best I’ve ever eaten. All of my favorite authentic dishes are available here in this city. I am determined to continue exercising self-control.

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it].” 1 Cor. 10:13

Are you determined?